The Game Changer: The Ugly Cupcake

In our latest column The Game Changer by Durban’s own Oscar Anderson he delivers his weekly editions of love, life and everything in between. Check out this week’s feature entitled The Ugly Cupcake…

Seeing that this is primarily a fashion, lifestyle and entertainment site, I thought that I too should provide some light entertainment on some fashion trends. Although the word style is embedded in lifestyle, however this apparently does not apply to certain people who simply missed that life lesson.

Now I am in no way implying that I myself am a fashion guru, and although my SpongeBob Squarepants sleep shorts have received a few raised eyebrows, I somewhat seem to think that I at least look “together” when out in public.

As far as trends go, I am only aware that fashion and Twitter have them. However, what fashion and Twitter do not have is muffin tops. I really do not understand how, women in particular, can leave their house wearing what appears to be their teenage sister’s t-shirt. What I can relate to is tumble dryers shrinking your clothes. I can also then recommend that you read the clothing washing label, and while you are doing that then perhaps the instructions to a weight loss shake at the same time. Muffin tops are in essence the same as laundry; when the tumble dryer has finished its cycle, fluff and fold away. The only difference here is that the tumble dryer cycles regularly, and the only bicycle tyre you have seen lately is the spare one sitting above your jean pants.

Now all of this may come across harshly, but we have all thought about it. I will in this instance excuse pregnant women and chubby babies, who are to be celebrated and doted on. Perhaps it is from birth that we enter into this mentality; rolls of fat, lovable skin stuffed into a hopefully tight and liquid sealed nappy, only to leave those rolls of goodness overflowing like a full cup. Please take into account that putting baby powder all over your muffin top will not pass as overflowing goodness but will in fact induce uncontrollable laughter. Baby powder on your muffin top will not turn you into a cupcake, although if I am ever short on Portuguese rolls at my weekend braai I still will not invite you.

There has been a long feud between the rival cupcakes and muffins. The feud does not concern nutritional value or degrees of variance but rather the question of celebration. I can guarantee you now that if I had to provide a tray of muffins at my nephew’s 6th birthday party that there would still be a full tray of muffins after everyone has left. Perhaps gran may have one…bran of course. The fact is that no one besides your belly button is celebrating you muffin top, regardless of whether or not it is still warm out of the oven.

It is no coincidence that a fashion “no no” spelled backwards is “on on”, keep that top on and tucked in if you have to. This applies to both guys and girls. At home, in your own private garden and in front of your dog are the only acceptable places in which you may let it all out. I am not saying that you should stay at home the rest of your life; there are perfectly well designed and flattering clothes for each and every body type. I simply request that you dress accordingly. If you are a large, double choc-chip muffin with extra butter on the side from Mugg & Bean, then I assure you that there are people out there who will order you.

The self-raising ingredient here is to fit into who you are and not what you think others are looking for. There was a Twitter trend on #nakedfarmboys , and let me tell you that there is a better chance of me following @JustinBieber than there is #nakedfarmboys, of which there is no chance. So I end todays fashion cycle laundry cycle with this, clean out the filter before you overheat and are replaced by a new model- fluff, and fold away…

One response to “The Game Changer: The Ugly Cupcake”

  1. Kendall

    OH MY GOD!!You are a LEGEND! I love your new column! I chuckled SO hard picturing you raising an eyebrow, snickering,probably passing a rude comment about fat people,all the while shaking your head and staring at the muffin top (because I would be doing the same thing!)LOVE it!! Nice one friend!!

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